It has been three years since he lifted his pen to write. The sight of a blank sheet of manuscript paper caused his stomach to turn. The more he stared at the page, the longer his voice remained silent and the more impossible it became to compose. Since the disastrous debut of his First Symphony in 1897 (I wrote about it here), chronic depression and anxiety have since found their place in the heart of 28-year-old Sergei Rachmaninov, the pianist and composer who had once bedazzled the world at 19 years old.
Rachmaninov was crippled by fear. His will to compose, to do anything for that matter, faded away. “I did nothing and found no pleasure in anything. Half my days were spent lying on a couch and sighing over my ruined life.”
How many of us have been there?
After some intervention and hypnotic treatments, Rachmaninov began to feel improved, enough to consider sketching some notes. Out came the second movement of his Second Piano Concerto, the piece that stunned the world with its perfect beauty, a lyrical flowing voice of the piano that shares a tender yet passionate dialog with the orchestra.
I love everything about the story of Mr. Rachmaninov- his courage to overcome moments of defeat, persistence to push beyond boundaries, and the quiet hero to dare to never stop dreaming. A seed of hope caused an uprising in his soul that ultimately built resilience to the depression that plagued him throughout his career.
While you listen to this piece, imagine taking a step toward the impossibility. Just as Rachmaninov’s stroke of a pen led him back to the lion’s den, ask yourself what you are willing to risk. A small step, even a lift of the pen, will be a significant one.
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That approach to impossibility is evident from the distant chimes from the beginning, arising from silence into all its magnificence! Thank you for this post – lovely tribute to the scenes behind this wonderful work of his.